Be forewarned, for those looking for some new romantic, intangible definition of this deified emotion, this article will leave you with a sneer. The definition of love is so clear in my head, that I can hardly imagine the time when it wasn’t - when pop songs trying to crystallize it would almost make sense to me. I used to love those songs. Now I can only think about how the singer has no idea what he’s talking about. Indeed I too wear a sneer.

The Moral Animal 
A book on evolutionary psychology called The Moral Animal changed my life.  It convinced me how all-powerful and all-encompassing the drive to pass on one’s genes is. Everything we do is somehow directed to passing on our genes. If we really are a product of evolution, how could it be otherwise? If we look at any and every living thing on the planet, we easily agree that their sole purpose is to pass on their genes. Why would it be different with us? Because we are conscious beings? It took billions of years for humans to develop from lower life forms. Conscious thought is relatively new.

Reproductive Strategies 
So, part of the definition of love requires us to look at our reproductive strategies and see what mechanisms would help us attain the goals implicit in these strategies. We pass on our genes through reproduction. Sounds obvious, but there is a twist to it outside the scope of this article (read the Moral Animal for more). Reproduction has two parts to it - conceiving children and raising them. Love is the motivational drug that is present in both of these parts to ensure we partake in conceiving (romantic love) and raising children (parental love). Sure sex feels good, and that’s obviously another adaptation to ensure we have lots of sex, but attraction is the seed of love, and there will be no sex without attraction - no matter how good sex feels. Think of the most unattractive, repulsive member of the opposite sex you can imagine, and then think about engaging in sex with them. Who’s winning out here: your brain or your genitalia?…. OK, let’s move on.

Love vs Attraction 
Attraction is low-level, potentially short-term love. It can blossom into love, or it can fade minutes after the person starts talking. Love, is the more committed, long-term version, where, not only do you want to have sex with this person, you want to see the resulting children grow up. (Remember, to our 10,000 year-old bodies and the Catholic Church, there is no sex without children). And that’s why love is there. It’s your attorney signing the papers for you. It commits and legal binds you to this partnership. If we didn’t have love, then we would just be a species who produces herds of children, but feels no duty to raise them. Some animals can get away with churning out children who somehow make it far enough in life to propagate the species, but not us - which is why I don’t sleep in on Sunday mornings.

Real love
Van Halen’s song “How will I know when it’s love”. It’s when the decision has been made and your body has committed to it. You focus completely on the good things and foresee all the bad. The cap off the toothpaste goes completely unnoticed as you grab her toothbrush and imagine that it’s some romantic way of kissing her when she’s not even there. That’s love. You’re no longer in the “let’s think about it and test this guy/girl out” phase. Something solidifies in your brain, some set of chemicals join and become fixed, setting up a group of thought patterns and neural pathways which are all but impossible to deviate from. Doesn’t matter what your friends or family say. You become intensely focused. Which is why you start to hear love songs everywhere and take in these romantics lyrics as if they were scripture. Just like when you decide to buy a new car and you start seeing that car everywhere on the road where you hadn’t really noticed it before. You start to think about marriage and spending the rest of your life with this person. Indeed this is what nature had programmed you to do (among other things).

That’s not to say it will work out. HA! You may break up within months and be in love again shortly thereafter, but, rest assured, you were in love then. You just didn’t succeed. Like a lioness who commits to catching a zebra and fails after a 200 yard sprint. She’s upset and discouraged, but she’ll be back soon - she’ll have to be. And you too will commit again someday.

So, now you know
If you are a romantic, do not be disparaged by this scientific definition of this wondrous emotion. Does it make it any less exciting or beautiful? I love my wife, love my kids, love my family. Now I know where it comes from, and it’s only more fascinating and glorious. It’s as beautiful as a sunset, as a tree, or a work of art - all of these are part of this incredible universe. There is not one thing more beautiful than another.

That’s just my opinion though, maybe I’m way off.

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